Mishmash

Why do you call autism bad?
You call it such
because I cannot live in your world
like you live.
But if we lived in a society
where the goals were different…
where the end-all was to live communally,
me helping you,
you helping me,
both of us succeeding…
then would I be at a disadvantage?
You call me disabled
because I don’t communicate out loud,
but rather with my fingers.
But in a world where everyone used their fingers,
and you only had a mouth,
who would be disabled then?
You say
when I fall into myself
that I’m not trying.
You say
that I’m taking the easy way out.
I ask:
Have you ever tried to truly be yourself?
How easy is that?
Yet when I act “autistic,”
or as I prefer to say,
like myself,
rather than fake typicality,
you say I’m taking the easy way.
I understand
that the reason you think it’s easier
is because it might be that way for you,
and you can’t see my point of view.
Here I am,
seeing your perspective.
And yet
I am the one who lacks theory of mind?
and I am self-absorbed?
You say, “She had so much potential,”
because you wanted me to be
a doctor,
or a teacher,
or something else “successful.”
I ask you,
why you think that potential ever left me,
but more than than,
I ask why writing with complete honesty,
being exactly who I am,
is not successful in itself?
You call me frustrating
because I don’t communicate like you do,
because instead of speaking in sweeping generalizations,
I say what I mean,
and mean what I say.
Has it ever occured to you
how immensely you frustrate me?
I don’t give up on you, though,
so how about giving me another chance?

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