Life happens all at once

I had my first speaking engagement tonight, at a parent support group for my staffing agency.  There were four parents, my BSS, and my mom who was clicking the Powerpoint.  The power went out just as I started… which wasn’t entirely a bad thing as the room had fluorescents and I would’ve been confused and miserable… so I read by light of a mom’s iPhone.

I looked cute in my new outfit and boots I bought just for such engagements.  What, is there some social rule where you don’t say you look cute about yourself?  I deem it ridiculous, if such a rule exists.  Cause I did look cute, so there.

I have engagements coming up locally on 9/26, 10/3, and 10/10.  My BSS said I could bring books to the big annual fundraiser on the 15th… but I have other responsibilities, such as the new bible study for young women with ASD that I’m forming, and so I can’t make that.  Then, 11/4-11/6, I’ll travel to south central Ohio to present to a large group.

Oh, and I had a job interview tomorrow.  It’s at the Goodwill at the bottom of the hill… but here’s the thing.  I have a really, really hard time with those fluorescents.  Even with sunglasses and a hat, I decompensate.  I feel like I’m delirious with fever, more or less.  My hands shake like crazy.  Everything spins, my head pounds.  I don’t want to be a wimp.  I want to work.  Badly.  I just don’t think I can handle the lights.  I even have trouble with them when I’m there for twenty minutes, so how would I ever manage six or eight hours?

My mom says that, if I worked, I would have more purpose and feel better about myself and things like that.  But you know… hm.  One thing I do not feel is any lack of purpose.  I have my writing and my speaking, and it keeps be quite busy.  And also, I don’t have any lack of self confidence or anything like that, either.

I’m going to keep searching for the right job.  Maybe it’s writing.  Maybe it’s speaking.  Maybe it’s in an office.  I can’t say that I know for sure.  But, I’m going to keep looking.

Ideas welcome, and wish me luck.


4 thoughts on “Life happens all at once

  1. OK, I’m putting it out there officially. I think you should be self employed as an authour and speaker. You are in a unique position to educate professionals and families alike, you are good at writting and seing as you didn’t say it was awful I’m guessing the speaking thing went really well too. Don’t be afraid to say “No fluorescent lights please” – the people you’re speaking to know you’re on the spectrum, that’s why they want to hear you speak, so it won’t bother them a bit.

    Educating people about autism might not be what you set out to do when you did your degree but it’s an extention of it.

    • I do consider myself self-employed as an author and speaker 🙂 That’s what I say when people ask, at least. Yes, speaking went very well. Loved it. WIll leave lights OFF as much as possible. For big event in Ohio, they’ll turn of bad lights and use chandeliers. All shall be well.

      And yes, I do use aspects of my education, for sure.

  2. The previous director of our local independent living center had a seizure disorder that was triggered by fluorescents–so they replaced all the bulbs with some fancy kind that doesn’t flicker. Perhaps Goodwill could do this as an ADA accommodation for you if you’re hired, y’know, since they’re supposed to be helping the disabled and all.

    • I actually cancelled the interview and decided not to apply. I have quite a bit going on with book stuff, blogging, speaking, maybe some forthcoming consulting, traveling, advocating… and we feared that adding something else in, plus the lights, would send me over the edge. I haven’t been over the edge in so long, and I don’t ever want to go back there.

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