1. If it hurts, hit it. It will stop. If it itches, hit it. It will stop. If it doesn’t stop, cry, or ask Mom.
2. The more complex the thought, the higher the likelihood that what will come out will be jibberish.
3. Most emotions lead to crying.
4. Before you buy it, ask Mom.
5. Poking and saying hi repeatedly both mean I love you.
6. Live bug outside beats a dead bug inside. No bug is the best of all.
7. Consider others better than yourselves.
8. If you got what you deserved, well, you’d be way worse off than what you’ve got, so don’t say that you “deserve” better of anything.
9. Flappy may mean happy, but it may also convey any other strong emotion.
10. Cats make everything better.
11. Silence is golden. No, really; stop talking so much. My ears get tired of voices.
12. You can sit next to someone and not talk to them at all and just be. And be happy.
13. Speech is superfluous. Hearts are what matter.
14. Quit asking me if every other thing you do is okay with me; I’ll tell you if it’s not in no certain terms (case in point: Leaving church tonight, Mom was clapping. In a lobby of people, I covered my ears and shouted, “I HATE CLAPPING!”).
15. If you want to end a conversation, simply say “I’m done talking now,” or, “Bye” and then hang up or walk away. What’s with all the beat around the bush stuff?
16. Try to act your age. When it really matters, try to act twice your age. And the REALLY important stuff, act half your age, if not less. You’ll live longer. (Ask my friend Ann at church. She’s 72, and she was running, jumping, skipping, and dancing through the sanctuary with ribbons tonight. She’s very healthy and oh-so-happy).
17. Let your yes be yes and your no be no. See #15.
18. Be joyful always.
19. First person is confusing and its existence is a bit redundant. What’s wrong with second and third person?
20. Leave things better than you found them. This includes Mom’s house, the car, and the world in which you live. Leave something better for your kids.