Oh, I’m… frustrated? I think it’s frustrated I want. Let me explain.
It’s not easy to live on, uh, what I live on, financially. A thousand dollars a month seems like a TON to me. Tons. But as Mom is quick to point out, I don’t really live on that much, because of Mom. I probably live on, oh, 800-1000/month, but very little of it is mine, and that makes me feel guilty.
I stuffed envelopes for Mom’s work for a few hours and she paid me $30 (well, she gave me two 20s, because that’s all she had, and I would give her 10 of it back). We then went to the grocery store, which puts me in the weirdest, strangest of… trances, I guess. I get really out of it. That said, I don’t remember what happened, but I do know that the money which I meant to transfer from my (unsafe) pocket (the same pocket that lost my cell phone on Wednesday) to my wallet, never made it to said wallet. Yep, I lost the money.
That money was going to fill up my gas tank, supply me with Diet Mountain Dew (hey, I’m seriously cutting back, but I’m not off it yet!), eggs, and the makings of homemade spaghetti sauce. I was really, really mad. Or frustrated. Or whatever. Now, don’t get too down, because Mom is (too) nice and bought my foodstuffs and gave me money for gas, so I’m okay, but I feel really, really bad.
So anyhow, in light of that, I thought I’d write a fun post to perk myself (and my readers) up a bit. Ready?
Those of us on the spectrum are, unfortunately, known for our awkwardness, are we not? And believe you me, I’m no different. Now, I really don’t know that I’m awkward until someone tells me, but… I am.
Oh, now you want stories?
I just got gas for my car. Gas stations being vaguely reminiscent of grocery stores in their interiors, they put me in that odd zone I was talking about earlier. So I gave the cashier my money and told him (I was proud of myself for saying it clearly and correctly the first time), “$20 on pump 5, please.” This is my cue to walk away. He said “Um. Ma’am? Uh… did you want a receipt?” I said, “No thank you.” And stood there. I think it’s so ingrained in me to receieve a physical product when I give someone my money that I don’t think to just… walk away. Oh hey, self… time to walk away. So this time, no one needed to tell me, but I know I was awkward!
Did Leigh ever tell you about the first time we met? Okay, we actually met the semester before this story happened, but I don’t remember her at all. This is the first time I remember her. It was at color guard during band camp and we were doing introductions of ourselves and our favorite thing from the summer. Well, my favorite thing was meeting my very first teeny tiny kitten (just a day old). So, I explained that and proceeded to pass around a picture. Who doesn’t like kittens (don’t answer that!)? Leigh later told me how awkward it was… honestly, I still don’t see it… kittens, people! But alas, there’s another one for you.
Finally, back in March sometime when I was in partial I uh… well, okay, my stomach rumbles, grumbles, complains and… well… I can be a little gassy sometimes, and without warning, okay? (I can tell Leigh is cringing right now…). Anyway, so, I uh, passed gas in group (let it be said that I was NOT the first person to do this, nor will I be the last). And what did I do? I said, “Excuse me.” So what? Well, someone said, “Lydia!” and someone else said, “You’re not supposed to say excuse me!” and I was totally confused! What else does one say?! Apparently, as they went on to explain, you are supposed to pretend like it wasn’t you and pretend like it never happened. I think that’s ridiculous. We ALL pass gas, and it’s just part of life. You excuse yourself and move on. And I’m sure it’s awkward that I’m now telling you this story, but I think it’s funny, and maybe you will too, even if it’s at my expense.
I like to see awkwardness as being different from what people expect. And you know, that might not be such a bad thing. People expect that others will be jaded. People expect that people put themselves first. People expect that others are dishonest. If being innocent, caring, and honest makes me awkward, then I’ll take awkward.