>1. My parents are going to an IMAX showing of Avatar on Sunday. I think I can handle those scary aliens (Leigh assures me that they’re not scary; they’re good). But can I handle an IMAX? That’s a lot a lot a lot of stimulation all at once, both visual and auditory. Should I go, but bring my headphones and close my eyes when I need to? There’s a ride at Disney World that’s like an IMAX, and you fly over California (it’s called Soarin’). It’s one of my favorite rides in the park. It’s so exhilarating. Maybe I’ll like the movie too? But if it’s really bad, and I melt down, then what? I’d rather not be autistic today.
2. There’s a guy in my autism group who has done some writing and editing. He asked if he could read my book, so I sent some of it to him. It’s about 75 pages long at this point, so I’ve been working on it. He said that it’s too stream-of-consciousness and doesn’t have a strong enough sense of audience. I don’t know how to fix that. I’m not a writer. I just write what I write and then hope someone reads it; I can’t change how I write for difference audiences, just like I can’t change how I speak when I’m talking to kids versus adults. So what do I do with the book? Ditch it? Keep writing it, but keep it for myself and forget about getting it published? Realize that his opinion is only one and put all the work into it at the risk that no one will like it? I’d rather not have something worth writing about today.
3. I met with my case manager yesterday. His name is Jeff, and he’s in his 40’s, and he’s really nice. He doesn’t talk to me like I’m stupid. He had never worked with someone with HFA so he asked lots of questions, which made me more comfortable. He’s going to help me find a job (though I have a lead on one now and would appreciates good thoughts and pryers my way), get housing, get furniture for my apartment whenever I need it, apply for cash assisstance, help with getting SSI, and above all, make sure that I get what I want for myself. Not what my parents want. Not what my doctors want. He’s here to advocate for me and help me get (within the limitation that it’s beneficial for me) what I want. I like that.
So all this sounds just perfect, right? Wrong. While we’re on the subject of what I want, I don’t want a case manager. Case managers are for people with mental health issues, which I don’t want to have. Normal people don’t have case managers. I want to be normal. Megan says that he’ll help me to be more normal, so I might as well accept the help. I still don’t feel good about this. I’d rather be normal today.